Happy Golden Birthday to the Golden Boy!

On this day, twenty nine years ago, I am sure the sun was shining as Joshua Ryan Carter, my baby brother, arrived in this world. Being five years apart, Josh and I didn't hang out a whole lot. He will tell you that my friends and I used him as a "dummy" to practice our gymnastic tricks out in the yard and that I made him duck down while driving him anywhere for fear of being seen with my baby brother. He will also tell a ridiculous story about how Jeremy and I made him sit on the floor of the car all the way to Florida. Back in the day, I may have looked at Josh as my pesky little brother but things have changed and these days, I count him as one of my closest and best friends. I talk to him more than I talk to almost anyone else and he makes me laugh almost every single conversation. He doesn't get too mad when I tease him about his little quirks~hunching over his plate while eating as if someone is going to come along and take his last bite, sticking his thumbs out while dancing and texting incessantly are my top three favorites. Josh loves to play games so I always have someone to play Skip-Bo with when we are in STJ but he always forces me to play Scrabble which doesn't make any sense because I always beat him. He is a fantastic and extremely thoughtful uncle and the girls just love him to pieces. He calls me out when I am acting stupid and calls me back when I hang up on him.

Josh is an actor, a karaoke phenom, a Target employee, a ray of sunshine, a bit of a storyteller, a thoughtful gift giver, an avid texter, our family historian contributing both true and somewhat fabricated memories, a dog lover without a dog, an extrovert to the nth degree, my fashion consultant, a party planner, Teddy Ruxpin's biggest fan, a mild hypochondriac, a former homecoming king, a witty jokester and a huge fan of sushi. But one of his most important roles is my brother and for that I am eternally grateful. I love him very much. Happy Birthday Joshy!

"A brother is a friend given by Nature."~Jean Baptiste Legouve

Ella's playground showdown...

Monday Ella had an interesting day on the playground. When I picked her up from school, I asked her what she did during recess. She said she walked around a little while by herself because she claimed, "I needed a little alone time." After the much needed alone time, she decided to give the playground equipment a little whirl. It was then that she was faced with a bit of situation. It went a little something like this-in her words:

Today I went down to the green equipment to play. A boy, a kindergartner, said, "No girls allowed." Then he told me "I know karate." I told him, "What will probably happen if you hit me is that I will tell a teacher." He said, "I know your little secrets." I said, "No you don't. You don't have my brain."

I was chuckling to myself as Ella relayed her story to me and when she finished I asked her, "Did you really say that to him?" To which she coolly replied, "Yeah, he needed to learn his lesson."

That's my girl. Take that Karate Kid.

"It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time. , and few accomplish it after the age of six."~John W. Gardner and Francesca Gardner Reese

Today I drew the line...

As we all know, there are many different types of parents and many different parenting styles. What works for one person, may not work for the next. Inevitably though, these differing opinions lead to comparisons. Who is right? Which style is better? Am I a better or worse mom than ___________? There are parents who are ultra-involved, encouraging their children to participate in every activity under the sun, setting up playdate after playdate, fostering any glimmer of talent they may notice, allowing independence in the realms of bedtime, clothing choices, behavior and chores.

Then there are the parents who have a different take on things. Playing on the swing set with whichever neighborhood children happen to turn up in lieu of structured playdates. Baseball and soccer involves a ball in the front yard with mom or dad rather than playing on a team. Sitting on their ass in the sun enjoying a book under the guise of "supervising" the ankle biters. Involvement when necessary to avoid blood being drawn or ill-fated consequences instead of involvement without invitation or need.

Either of these parents obviously love their children. They simply choose to demonstrate their love in different ways. I would place myself somewhere in the middle of these two types of styles which is where many of us probably fall. My girls play soccer with the local league but that is the only activity they participate in~partially because that is all they seem interested in but partially because we are not into running around every single night of the week going from one event to the next. My girls eat what is placed in front of them or they don't eat until the next opportunity. We have very few pre-arranged playdates but do have them from time to time. Volleyball in the front yard is not out of the question but I enjoy my fair share of ass-sitting too.

I often watch other parents and compare myself to them, in awe of their super-human like energy and gumption. Wondering where they find the time, especially those who work outside of the home, to not only get it all done but with a smile on their face to boot. Making Halloween costumes and elaborate treats for classroom parties. Coaching sports teams and shuttling to dance, karate and piano lessons. Staying up late to help with science fair projects and getting up early to prepare a breakfast complete with pancakes made into their children's favorite Disney characters. What these uber-parents will do for their mini-me is mind boggling. I admire these mothers and fathers. At times I even envy their enthusiasm and zest for all things parental. Do I think they love their children more than I love mine? Not a chance. I simply utilize other means to portray my love.

There is an endless list of things I will do for my children~a list that includes many items I never in a million years thought anyone would ever catch me doing. I will share my half of the bed with one, two or even three little people with fluffy hair rendering it virtually impossible to get a decent night's sleep. I will manage a soccer team, join PTA committees, watch Spongebob Squarepants when my program of choice would be a Beverly Hills 90210 rerun or even make small talk at a school concert. *shudder* That being said, there are also certain things at which I will draw the line (think~handle a bug, worm or any other creepy crawly, place my hands under the mouth that I know will be vomiting, or making an extra meal because my little darling doesn't care for chili) and today I drew another line.

Ella's class has this fun little weekly event called "Mystery Reader". Each week one parent comes into the room and reads their child's favorite book to the class. It is dubbed "Mystery Reader" because the students have no idea when the reader is coming nor do they know who the reader is going to be. Last week, I received my friendly reminder that I was on "Mystery Reader" deck. In the note, it was mentioned that some parents find it fun to dress in costume, possibly as a character from the book they will be reading, to disguise their identity from the class and supposedly add to the intrigue. Well, I have to say, I was not in love with this idea. Truth be told, I am quite averse to dressing up and believe this all stems from the photograph taken of me in 5th Grade dressed for Halloween as a dice. Seriously the dorkiest picture ever taken~that bad. Of course, as a mom, I really wanted to think this dressing up deal would be fun. I really wanted to start creating the perfect disguise to fool Ella's entire class. Several other mom's who would embrace this opportunity, run to Hobby Lobby and fashion up a Project Runway type creation immediately leapt into my mind. Alas....I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I drew the line. In no way, shape or form was I about to go traipsing through the hallowed halls of John Harris Elementary dressed as a character from "Ella the Elegant Elephant" with Lily dressed as a baby elephant in tow. It's just not my thing.

Do I not love dear old Ella enough to make a fool out of myself for her? Certainly not~I just prefer to show her my love in other ways. Am I a bad mom? I sure hope not. Was Ella disappointed in my lack of gusto? I don't think so. In fact, I am telling myself that she would have been mortified had I shown up in costume. Will I become the type of mother who will dress like an elephant for my daughter? Doubtful. In fact it is more likely you will find me thrusting my hands in front of my child stricken with the flu, about to empty the contents of her lunch than you will ever catch me dressed as an elephant.

Call me a bad mom. Call me a mom with reasonable boundaries. It really doesn't matter to me. All that really matters is these three proudly call me their mom.... "The real question isn't whether or not you love your kids, but how well you are able to demonstrate your love and caring so that your children really feel loved."~Stephanie Marston
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Update: A funny thing happened on the way to the theater. I wrote the post above, prior to going to the school this afternoon, expecting things to go smoothly. However, I should have known things never go as planned. Here is an account of the actual events. Lily and I, after much anguishing, finally decided a perfect compromise to the costume debacle was to wear jackets with hoods and don the hoods just prior to entering the classroom. We set off to the school and arrived just as the clock was about to strike 12PM, right on time. However, 1st Grade was just coming in from recess so Lily and I had to play secret agents and lurk in the hallways, peeking around corners until the coast was clear. All the children finally settled into their rooms, we took our position right outside room 101. Waiting patiently, we overheard Mrs. D talking with a student about a missing lunch box and reassuring her it could be found. Just as I was wondering who lost their lunch box, out of the room comes Ella and her friend, Sydney. BUSTED! Ella was in tears, incredibly upset about having misplaced her lunch box while doing monitor duty. I assured her we would find the lunch box and escorted them to the lunch room to begin the search. It was then Ella looked at me and asked, "What are you here for?" I decided honesty was the best policy and fessed up to my role as mystery reader, making the two of them promise not to leak my secret. They were thrilled to be "in on it" and I knew their lips were sealed. Locating the Jonas Brothers lunch bag was a snap and back at the classroom, Lily and I resumed our wait, confident our secret was safe with Ella and Sydney. Mrs. D gave us the signal, we put up our hoods and were led into the classroom ready to face our interrogators. Question after question was fired at us until the 101 detectives figured out I was Ella's mom. Ella's mom, who even without a superhero disguise, was able to crack the case of the missing lunch box and save the day. It was then that I realized, it doesn't really matter if you arrange playdates, make Disney pancakes or supervise from the sidelines. Costume or no costume, I was there when my little girl needed me and that is what matters most.

Kelly and Ryan's wedding...

This weekend we once again travelled up to the Cities for a festive occasion. This time we were celebrating the nuptials of Josh's former roommate and her true love, Ryan. The wedding was held in the backyard of Kelly's parents and was simple, elegant and beautiful. It was warm but Dad, Jason and Jeremy were good sports and wore their "choke collars" and looked very handsome~appropriate escorts for Mom, Sheila and I who were fabulous. The Carters' clean up pretty nice. Who knew?
While Aunt Kimmie took charge of the wild ones back at Jeremy and Sheila's ranch, we spent the afternoon, evening and night toasting the happy couple...

posing for pictures...

(notice the look Mom is giving Dad...let's try that one again...) Ah, much better. Good job, Dad.

This one took three takes. He just doesn't make it easy.

chowing down...

gazing at lovely flowers...

bustin' a move...
gettin' low...

watching Dad be Dad...

enjoying each other's company...

and watching Josh perform dance...

after dance...after dance...

You get the idea...

It was a fantastic event and I was honored to be a part of it.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.~Mignon McClaughlin

Congratulations Kelly and Ryan! Best wishes for a successful marriage!

What we've been up to.....

School has been in session for a full four weeks now for us South Dakotans and I bet you are all just dying to know how it's going, how we've been and what we've been up to (other than partying in the Cities). And so, as the resident blogger, I guess it's my job to inform the masses.

We are definitely back into the "school's in session" groove. Ella is enjoying 1st Grade immensely. She loves her teachers, doesn't love the lunches she is served and as a result takes her lunch almost everyday. When questioned as to when her aversion to chicken nuggets, hot dogs and pizza began, she replies, "They don't taste like yours, Mom. You just make the best food". Good old Ella knows just the right things to say to get her way and almost every morning, I pack my little doll a lunch of homemade succulence and a little bit of love. She seems to have taken a liking to reading which I must admit, I am thrilled about as reading is probably the fourth love of my life (coming in right after family, friends and eating). Her excitement to read to me as soon she gets home is wonderful. The determination she shows when figuring out words is inspirational. And the pride I see on her face when she completes a book is beautiful. My little love bug has been busy chasing boys at the playground at recess and we've had numerous talks about possibly finding a better way to spend her free time. Thankfully, she has been responsive to redirection and lately she and her cronies have swinging and spinning the time away. Last week Ella brought home a paper on which she had written a brief story about an attached picture. At the bottom of the paper her teacher had written, "Beautiful spacing". It is a little atypical for 1st graders to understand the need for spaces between words and I, myself, had noticed the spacing as well. I compliment her on this and she informed me, "My teacher told us that she is very old and her eyes aren't very good. She needs us to make good spaces so that it isn't so hard for her to read our papers." At that moment, my love for Ella grew just a little bit more. I'm not sure if the reasoning resonated with the other students but it was just the perfect explanation for Ella and her kind heart.

As for Grace, 4th Grade agrees with her. I am not sure if she thought she could love her teacher this year more than she loved her teacher last year but guess what...she does! (This has been the pattern every year since she began school.) Happily for all of us, very little homework has been assigned. Occasionally she has had minor assignments to complete but for the most part, Grace has been freewheelin' once she is sprung from John Harris. Although her new BFF, Carly (newbie in the neighborhood from Minot, ND) is not in her class, it sounds like they get to hang out and jump rope together during recesses. Grace has introduced Carly to some of her other friends and they are like one big happy family. Is it possible that the anguish I remember from 4th Grade-12th Grade will completely skip these innocent girls and they can continue to live happily ever after? I am going to keep my fingers crossed but will not hold my breath! As 3rd Grade came to a close last year, Grace was struggling slightly with math. Much to my surprise and delight, she seems to have developed a math-inclined brain over the summer and is killing the multiplication quizzes thrown at her. Today she informed me that only she and three others have "graduated" from multiplication to division. I was so proud of her and I could see that she was quite proud of herself. In addition to her math prowess, she has yet to take a spelling test because of the success she has had with the pre-tests. As long as you get a 100% on the pre-test, you get to skip the post-test. Grace has been happily skipping them week after week. I think 4th Grade just might be Grace's year!Lily and I have managed to keep ourselves busy. Of course, all of the incredibly household management tasks fall on us (well, most of them anyway) and I am extremely lucky to have my trusty assistant. Lily makes terrific Rice Krispie bars, is an excellent cleaner, loves to recycle and serves as a fantastic chaperone for errands (even when the errand involves shopping, aka-going to a funeral). In addition to all of these important tasks, we have lunched with Jason, babysat for nephews, playdated with Emily, put together many puzzles, read books upon books, played games, chased butterflies and basically just enjoyed ourselves. At times I feel like a total slacker. It's pretty amazing how peaceful things are going from three crazies to one crazy. There are days I feel like I am on vacation. Today, however, was not one of my vacation days. At the beginning of the year, I volunteered to help in Ella's classroom one time a month and today was my first shift. Patrice, graciously agreed to watch Lily so I could go and offer my services. I've only left Lily less than a handful of times and each time it was completely against her will. Today was a whole different ball game. When I told Lily of the plan, I was braced for resistance and was surprisingly met with none. She was totally stoked and told me she would not cry at all. Her response went something like this, "Yay! A playdate with Emily. It won't be too far away either. When we went for that bike ride and were at the apple tree, that is right where you turn to go to Emily's house." Alrighty then! Skeptical but hopeful, I readied her this morning and prepared for the waterworks which never came. We arrived at the Denevan compound and Lily scampered off with nary a look back. I hollered my goodbye and off to the school I went.

Volunteering in the girls' classrooms is something I have done a lot of over the past several years and have enjoyed (for the most part~a room full of Kindergartners can have the tendency to test one's patience). I was reminded today of how much I actually enjoy doing this. In addition to the fun of helping the kids learn, I am able to do some learning of my own. Ella's teachers are awesome and being in the classroom listening to the strategies they use is so great. It never ceases to amaze me the unique ways they come up with to engage the students and get their point across. I am already looking forward to next month! Anxious to get back to Lily and hear how her morning went, I sped back to the Denevan's and was met with a big smile. Patrice said Lily did really well until she cracked at 11:07AM when the separation proved too much for her. A good friend and sidewalk chalk were just enough of a distraction to help her make it through the next 20 minutes until I returned to retrieve her. A huge thanks to Patrice and Emily for welcoming Lily and making her feel comfortable! Maybe next time she won't cry at all!

Of course, Mr. Kolb rounds out our family and he deserves a mention too. Work slowed for him a bit but has rebounded and he is busy as he can be again. As things slow, Jason isn't about to let the grass grow under his feet and he goes out actively seeking work. Every time he does this, he finds what he is seeking and then some. Remodeling, trimming, siding~the man does it all! Luckily there has been plenty of time leftover for projects around the house also.

Other recent highlights for us include a long, relaxing Labor Day weekend just hanging out doing whatever we felt like (namely sleeping in), enjoying the lovely weather for Fall soccer, being the gathering post for all of the neighborhood children who are inclined to drag every single toy we own out of the garage and then disappear when it is time to clean up and Ella's self-imposed milestone of the transition from bathing to showering. Last week Ella approached me and asked if it would be OK if she could start taking showers instead of baths. "It just seems like a bigger girl thing to do." was her rationale and who am I to stand in the way of progress? The other night while she was drying off, I asked her if she enjoyed showering rather than the bathtub and she said, "Yes, it's proof that I am getting to be a big girl". When I told her she would be my little girl forever, she replied, "That's OK. I can be your little girl until I am eighteen~or actually just until I can drive". I guess I'll let her believe that.

This weekend the Kolb family party bus is back on the move with a wedding in the Cities as it's destination. Jason and I both have swanky new ensembles. Aunt Kimmie is all lined up to babysit the wild ones. Looks like another sweet weekend is in store!

A question and an opinion.....

Though we miss Grace and Ella like crazy while they are at school, Lily and I have been making do with bike riding, butterfly searching, library visiting, errand running and sandbox treasure hunting....and many other activities~some fun and some not so fun. One activity we especially enjoy is eating. Wednesday I put on my chef hat and prepared one of the most elite menu items on the kid's favorite cuisine list~beans and wienies. As Lily and I happily munched, she looked at me very seriously and asked, "Are there hot dogs in these wienies?" Well, of course darling, there are hot dogs in our wienies. Only the best for my girl!

Thursday after a playdate with Lily's friend Emily and lunch with Jason, we were onto another "fun" activity, SHOPPING. Turns out only one of the two of us considers shopping to be fun! On the drive to Kohl's Lily informed me, "I hate shopping. It makes me feel like I'm going to a funeral." Hmm...Lily, why don't you tell me how you really feel?