Then there are the parents who have a different take on things. Playing on the swing set with whichever neighborhood children happen to turn up in lieu of structured playdates. Baseball and soccer involves a ball in the front yard with mom or dad rather than playing on a team. Sitting on their ass in the sun enjoying a book under the guise of "supervising" the ankle biters. Involvement when necessary to avoid blood being drawn or ill-fated consequences instead of involvement without invitation or need.
Either of these parents obviously love their children. They simply choose to demonstrate their love in different ways. I would place myself somewhere in the middle of these two types of styles which is where many of us probably fall. My girls play soccer with the local league but that is the only activity they participate in~partially because that is all they seem interested in but partially because we are not into running around every single night of the week going from one event to the next. My girls eat what is placed in front of them or they don't eat until the next opportunity. We have very few pre-arranged playdates but do have them from time to time. Volleyball in the front yard is not out of the question but I enjoy my fair share of ass-sitting too.
I often watch other parents and compare myself to them, in awe of their super-human like energy and gumption. Wondering where they find the time, especially those who work outside of the home, to not only get it all done but with a smile on their face to boot. Making Halloween costumes and elaborate treats for classroom parties. Coaching sports teams and shuttling to dance, karate and piano lessons. Staying up late to help with science fair projects and getting up early to prepare a breakfast complete with pancakes made into their children's favorite Disney characters. What these uber-parents will do for their mini-me is mind boggling. I admire these mothers and fathers. At times I even envy their enthusiasm and zest for all things parental. Do I think they love their children more than I love mine? Not a chance. I simply utilize other means to portray my love.
There is an endless list of things I will do for my children~a list that includes many items I never in a million years thought anyone would ever catch me doing. I will share my half of the bed with one, two or even three little people with fluffy hair rendering it virtually impossible to get a decent night's sleep. I will manage a soccer team, join PTA committees, watch Spongebob Squarepants when my program of choice would be a Beverly Hills 90210 rerun or even make small talk at a school concert. *shudder* That being said, there are also certain things at which I will draw the line (think~handle a bug, worm or any other creepy crawly, place my hands under the mouth that I know will be vomiting, or making an extra meal because my little darling doesn't care for chili) and today I drew another line.
Ella's class has this fun little weekly event called "Mystery Reader". Each week one parent comes into the room and reads their child's favorite book to the class. It is dubbed "Mystery Reader" because the students have no idea when the reader is coming nor do they know who the reader is going to be. Last week, I received my friendly reminder that I was on "Mystery Reader" deck. In the note, it was mentioned that some parents find it fun to dress in costume, possibly as a character from the book they will be reading, to disguise their identity from the class and supposedly add to the intrigue. Well, I have to say, I was not in love with this idea. Truth be told, I am quite averse to dressing up and believe this all stems from the photograph taken of me in 5th Grade dressed for Halloween as a dice. Seriously the dorkiest picture ever taken~that bad. Of course, as a mom, I really wanted to think this dressing up deal would be fun. I really wanted to start creating the perfect disguise to fool Ella's entire class. Several other mom's who would embrace this opportunity, run to Hobby Lobby and fashion up a Project Runway type creation immediately leapt into my mind. Alas....I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I drew the line. In no way, shape or form was I about to go traipsing through the hallowed halls of John Harris Elementary dressed as a character from "Ella the Elegant Elephant" with Lily dressed as a baby elephant in tow. It's just not my thing.
Do I not love dear old Ella enough to make a fool out of myself for her? Certainly not~I just prefer to show her my love in other ways. Am I a bad mom? I sure hope not. Was Ella disappointed in my lack of gusto? I don't think so. In fact, I am telling myself that she would have been mortified had I shown up in costume. Will I become the type of mother who will dress like an elephant for my daughter? Doubtful. In fact it is more likely you will find me thrusting my hands in front of my child stricken with the flu, about to empty the contents of her lunch than you will ever catch me dressed as an elephant.
Call me a bad mom. Call me a mom with reasonable boundaries. It really doesn't matter to me. All that really matters is these three proudly call me their mom....
"The real question isn't whether or not you love your kids, but how well you are able to demonstrate your love and caring so that your children really feel loved."~Stephanie Marston~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update: A funny thing happened on the way to the theater. I wrote the post above, prior to going to the school this afternoon, expecting things to go smoothly. However, I should have known things never go as planned. Here is an account of the actual events. Lily and I, after much anguishing, finally decided a perfect compromise to the costume debacle was to wear jackets with hoods and don the hoods just prior to entering the classroom. We set off to the school and arrived just as the clock was about to strike 12PM, right on time. However, 1st Grade was just coming in from recess so Lily and I had to play secret agents and lurk in the hallways, peeking around corners until the coast was clear. All the children finally settled into their rooms, we took our position right outside room 101. Waiting patiently, we overheard Mrs. D talking with a student about a missing lunch box and reassuring her it could be found. Just as I was wondering who lost their lunch box, out of the room comes Ella and her friend, Sydney. BUSTED! Ella was in tears, incredibly upset about having misplaced her lunch box while doing monitor duty. I assured her we would find the lunch box and escorted them to the lunch room to begin the search. It was then Ella looked at me and asked, "What are you here for?" I decided honesty was the best policy and fessed up to my role as mystery reader, making the two of them promise not to leak my secret. They were thrilled to be "in on it" and I knew their lips were sealed. Locating the Jonas Brothers lunch bag was a snap and back at the classroom, Lily and I resumed our wait, confident our secret was safe with Ella and Sydney. Mrs. D gave us the signal, we put up our hoods and were led into the classroom ready to face our interrogators. Question after question was fired at us until the 101 detectives figured out I was Ella's mom. Ella's mom, who even without a superhero disguise, was able to crack the case of the missing lunch box and save the day. It was then that I realized, it doesn't really matter if you arrange playdates, make Disney pancakes or supervise from the sidelines. Costume or no costume, I was there when my little girl needed me and that is what matters most.
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