Reading....

High on my list of favorite things to do is reading.  It's right up there with spending time with my family, eating Mexican food and trying to figure out which house the couple is going to choose on House Hunters.  I love to read mysteries, parenting magazines, celebrity gossip websites, romance novels and will even resort to perusing the back of a shampoo bottle while rinsing my hair in the shower just to have something to read.  Unfortunately my love of reading extends also to the reading of people.  Reading into their body language and the story behind the words they present.  The story I am sure must be there because people don't just say what they mean, do they?

My interest in psychology and desire to pursue that as my course of study was driven by my want and need to understand people.  What motivates us, why we behave in the ways we do and how we relate to one another.  The inclination to read people and "get in their head" has served me well in some cases.  Most of my college work came easily to me, not because of a high level of intelligence, but rather due to a high level of interest in the subject.  Success at work was due, not only to my sparkling personality but also in part to my ability to determine what the people I was serving, clients and fellow employees alike, were looking for as an end result.

However, more than once in the very recent past, my overwhelming and uncontrollable tendency to read people and their intentions has caused some issues.  Seemingly easy conversations to have and decisions to be made have been fraught with anxiety.  Because of the highly sensitive reputation I have deservedly cultivated, it has come to my attention that those I care deeply about often censor their true thoughts from me and at times are less than forthcoming because they fear what I may read into their words.  While I firmly believe reading books, magazines or people is one of the most important skills a person can have, there comes a time to reign it in.  I strive for honest communication.  Lying and dishonesty are traits that I just cannot tolerate.  But, causing people to tiptoe around what boils down to matter of fact thoughts and opinions just to avoid hurting my feelings is simply ridiculous.

From this moment on, I am making a commitment to thicken my skin.  I resolve to understand there isn't a hidden meaning behind every conversation.  Most of the time, words are just words.  Obviously this will not be an overnight change.  My feelings will be hurt from time to time but that's just the way it goes.  It is unreasonable to expect that I will like everything I hear.  My feathers can be unruffled as quickly as they are ruffled.  I do not want to be the person that you have to be "careful" around.  Speaking my mind is a freedom I exercise frequently and that same freedom applies to all those who communicate with me.  Give me a chance.  With some practice, I know I can do it.  Now, while I am waiting to put this new me into practice, I think I will finish the book I am reading.  I've heard reading is good for you...