It's official......

I turned old this weekend. There were two events that occurred that aged me. First, my little Ella Bella lost two teeth. She's only five. She shouldn't be losing teeth yet. When we first noticed these teeth were loose, she cried a little bit saying she wasn't ready to lose her teeth yet and that she wanted to stay small. I felt her pain. I want her to stay small too but alas, it is not meant to be. Friday night, Jason tugged the first tooth out. The second one was ready also but the whole event bordered on traumatic and Ella opted to wait on the other. Last night I asked her if I could take a look at the other tooth and it was definitely ready. Finessing it out was more my method and it produced much less dramatic results. She ended up with two visits from the tooth fairy and was eagerly anticipating being seranaded with "The Tooth Song" from her classmates this morning!

Notice the red eyes in this picture and the lack of in the next. Guess which one Mommy pulled!
The second aging event transpired when Grace and I were driving to Girl Scouts on Saturday afternoon. As I was flipping through the radio stations, I came across a song that Grace really wanted to listen to. Being the good sport that I am, I left it on that song even though it wasn't my first choice. After about 30 seconds, I uttered the words that immediately labels you as old, "What is this song? Ugh, it's terrible. I can't believe you can like this crap." As soon as I said it, I knew it, I am old. However, maybe it would be best for me to look at it not as me getting old but rather, Grace is maturing. Thinking back on the past several months, I have noticed a trend with Grace and I. In looking at clothes, many of the items I have selected for her and felt sure were "her style" have turned out to garner a groan, an eyeroll and even a "Yuck!". We have been looking for new bedding for her room and each set I was confident was perfect, elicited the same response as the clothes. I have been trying to deny it but my baby is growing up. She is no longer just an extension of me but an individual with her own ideas and thoughts. It appears we are exiting childhood and entering adolescence. It is the stage all mothers of girls dread and the frightening thought is there is a very long road ahead of me and I am just backing out of the driveway. It is impossible for me to count the number of times I have heard the comment, "Oh wow, three girls. Just wait until they are teenagers!". It's a scary thought, I'm not going to lie. Uncharted waters and I am without a life jacket. Up to this point, I have done OK. By no stretch of the imagination am I the perfect mother but I have my moments. It's this new stage that I am supremely worried about. I'll be the first to admit, I am a bit of a control freak and know that is something I am going to need to overcome in order to even stand a chance. It doesn't always have to be my way or the highway. We have hit a crossroads and I have many adjustments ahead of me. For the past eight years, Grace has been my shadow, my mini me and now I need to regroup and realize she is her own person with her own opinions, likes and dislikes. And the real kicker is, that doesn't make her wrong! So, while I am officially old, it looks like I still have a lot of growing up to do!

You hear the cliche that children represent your past, present and future. This is something I have been thinking a lot about and really see the truth in it. Obviously my girls are my present as I live it every day; the good, the bad and the ugly. My children represent my future literally and figuratively as they carry on Jason and I's genetics and are an extention of us physically but also because they are our legacy. Memories, traditions and a way of life will be carried on through our girls. But the past is the portion that has eluded me when I have considered this sentiment. However, recently I have begun to really see how this is true. When I listen to Grace talk with her friends and classmates, I am instantly transported back to 4th grade, sitting on the desk in Mrs. Jokumsen's class with Sarah laughing at Kevin and Joe. I am on the playground at St. James Elementary paying Touhey $.10 to act as our bodyguard against Paul and Shaun. Grace's reluctance and worry about spending the night at a friend's house takes me back to my mom forcing me to overcome my fears and go to birthday parties. (I bet she kind of regrets that now!!!!) Looking at Grace, I can really see myself at eight years old and am afraid I will be able to see myself at 12, 13, etc. and that is just terrifying. I can anticipate the struggles and pain that is to come but there is really nothing I can do to prevent them from coming. I need to learn to support without interfering. Be involved without smothering. Be strong but not overbearing. This is going to be hard but I know it will be rewarding as well. Last night I had two moments that gave me the strength and knowledge that I am capable. As I was working that tooth out of Ella's mouth and she remained calm, so calm that she didn't even believe me when I told her it was out, I was proud. I knew I had done everything just right and I felt like a real live mom. The kind of mom you see on TV who always says the right thing and acts just the right way. I was her for a moment and it felt good. On a roll, I was able to soothe Grace's fears about going to a friend's house afterschool today and then on to a movie. I empathized and consoled. Again, I knew I had acted just as she needed me to. I know it's there somewhere and so I know I can do it. And with that, I will go forward today and do my best. I know mistakes are coming but I had a good teacher and can rely on my past to get me through my future.