The Lord's Prayer...

Our Father Who Art In Heaven...the first prayer I remember learning.  Words I was taught to recite beginning with Sunday School and am still reciting them today.  However, when I was six years old never did I really consider the meaning behind the words.  I was told to memorize this prayer so I did.  Actually, it wasn't until I had my own children and was teaching them the Lord's Prayer that I really began to think about what this very simple, basic prayer means. 

Give us this day our daily bread...as I child I suppose I took this in the most literal sense.  Dear God~please make sure I have something to eat today.  Today it has a much greater meaning.  Every day we all have hopes and expectations for how that particular day is going to go.  Things we want, tasks we need to accomplish, happiness to unfold.  If these things don't occur, it is easy to become disappointed or angry even.  The alarm doesn't go off, you spill your morning Diet Coke all over your new shirt, your garage door won't close and you are running late, your children are "in a mood"~nothing seems to go right and certainly not as you hoped or expected.  We've all had those days~some of us more than others.  You wonder why things couldn't have gone more smoothly, more according to plan.  Maybe day after day, things don't happen in the way you wanted them to.  Oftentimes, this is exactly the case.  You begin to wonder about God's plan for you and why it doesn't seem to match up with your own-why his daily bread isn't the bread that you ordered during your morning prayers.  I know I have been guilty of this. 

I woke up on August 6th with blurry vision in my right eye.  Assuming it would improve, I went about my day.  Three days later it wasn't better and I knew I needed to see a doctor.  From there, my life took a turn I never in a million years anticipated.  MRI's, steroid treatments, talk of complete vision loss, testing for multiple sclerosis.  Literally in the blink of an eye, my world had been turned upside down.  Of course I wondered how this happened, why this happened and what the end result might be.  I was scared, angry and sad.  How am I going to do this?  What if I become unable to care for my family?  What is going to happen?

After many lengthy conversations with many different people, I began to accept the fact that whatever may be is completely out of my control.  At that point, I knew all I could do was to pray.  Obviously my prayers included a clean bill of health but more than anything I prayed for peace.  Rather early on in this ordeal, it became clear to me that my path had already been staked out.  God's plan for me has been in place since the beginning of time and it was time for me to trust in that path.  Not an easy task, for sure, but a necessary one.  There are days I'm not sure if I like the path that I am going down but I do know that I don't get to select the route, I just have to travel it with the most grace and care that I am able to muster.

The "daily bread" that I would ask for would be perfect health for myself and all those I love.  Happiness, contentment and a life without struggle.  I would ask that my daughters realize their greatest potentials and know the deep love that I have for them.  I would ask that they be spared  unhappiness, disappointment and grief.  I would ask for a perfect marriage free of conflict and to be the wife that Jason deserves.  I would ask to be a daughter worthy of the parents I have been given.  My requests may also include plenty of money, job stability for Jason, Mexican food 4 times a week and an eternally clean house.

Obviously my wishes are on the lofty side, perhaps even a little unreasonable if I do say so myself.  While it would be fantastic to live a life without struggle, stress, failure and sadness, it is impossible to expect.  It is through the struggles that we grow as people.  It is due to the stress that we are able to appreciate the peace.  It is because of the failure and sadness that we can embrace the successes and happiness.

Luckily for me, God knows not to provide me the bread that I want but rather the bread that I need.  Tomorrow I will have my follow up MRI that will reveal my medical status.  I will receive the results of the test sometime next week.  With every ounce of my being I am praying for a clear MRI and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be devastated to hear anything but those words.  However, the one thing I have learned without a doubt since that morning four months ago is that I will have my daily bread.  Some days I am feasting on the most delectable morsels possible and some days I am begrudgingly eating the day old heels of the loaf but there is no doubt that every day I am provided for.  What I have come to realize is that sometimes I have less than I want but never once have I been given less than I need.  Far be it from me to throw out what I have been given because it was not what I ordered.