Get ready, get set, don't go....

OK, so maybe I stole that from my boy, Billy Ray but who knew he could be so profound. I have been preparing myself for this day all summer but I just wasn't ready to leave my baby at Room 203. The morning started off on a great note. When I woke Ella up she said, "Why do we have to go to school at nighttime?". Then she laughed and said, "Oh my gosh, look at my hair!". Gracie gave her a great pep talk about how at the end of today Ella is going to be so glad she went to school because she will have a bunch of new friends. Grace also told Ella that she never has to be scared at school because she is always safe there, which I thought was very sweet. We then discussed the episode of Full House when Stephanie gets scared at school and crawls into DJ's classroom. I regretted planting the seed immediately after talking about this because I seriously wouldn't put it past Miss Ella. Anyway, we got to school and she was super excited. The excitement started to dwindle as more and more kids arrived until finally she cracked. She turned to me crying and asked if she could just go home. She asked, "Can't I just go back to preschool?". It just about broke my heart and my steely resolve began to crumble. Daddy took her to the flag ceremony and I went with Grace which was a good match up. I teared up during the Pledge of Allegiance and also the school song so I knew this rodeo needed to come to a quick end or I was going to be a blubbering mess. Lily and I walked Gracie Lou to her classroom and she sent us off with a hug and a kiss. As we got to Ella's room, things were looking up. She had dropped off her backpack and was happily playing in the "house". Mrs. Costello then settled them all into the circle spots and read 'The Night Before Kindergarten'. When she finished the story she told the kids to turn and wave at the special people who dropped them off. Suddenly I came to the realization that I wasn't going to get to give my baby a hug before leaving but decided that was probably for the best. My brave Ella turned and waved with that great big Ella smile. But then right before my eyes, the realization hit her also and her face just fell into a panicked, frightened expression. She desperately fought crowd and grabbed me and was holding on for dear life crying. All I can say is Thank God for Jason! As I was about to completely lose it, he took her from me, dried her tears and got her settled back into her circle spot. He was then faced with the job that my father so readily handed off to Jason over nine years ago, to come and try to settle me down. It was just so much harder than I even anticipated. I know she will be safe and sound with Mrs. Costello and will do just great. I eagerly look forward to the trees made out of construction paper, A/R quizzes and stories about what happened at lunch but the truth of the matter is, I want her here with me. I keep thinking maybe we should have kept her home one more year but that would have been for my benefit, not hers. Ella is most definitely ready for Kindergarten. I just wonder, how can someone look so big and so little at the same time?

And then there is my big baby. Grace grew up so much right before my eyes this summer. I can recall many conversations we had in the past few months that were remarkably grown up. (Remarkably even for me as I can have some pretty juvenile conversations!) 3rd grade seems unimaginable to me. I close my eyes and can see her at one year old packing and unpacking the cooler for her 1st birthday party. I can see her and Daddy going up and down the sidewalk learning how to ride her bike. I can see her nervously walking across our backyard, looking back over her shoulder every few steps, on her way to ask a neighbor girl to play for the very first time. Today, she marched right in like she owned John Harris Elementary. Well, maybe not quite but I am just so proud to watch her transform from my meek, timid little Grace to a much more confident, self assured Grace. Although, I have to admit, I do like to know that she still needs me from time to time.

All summer long, I wished and hoped for just a few minutes of peace and quiet. A little bit of time to myself. Now things are too peaceful, too quiet. I guess I need to be careful what I wish for. And so, here Lily and I sit. Me with tears in my eyes and Lily looking for her buddies, her pals, her sisters. Lily cried as we left the school and said, "I want my Grace and Ella." and all I could tell her was, "I do too". As we were driving to Perkins to pick up our celebratory French Silk Pie she asked me, "Mommy, are you a cry baby?" and when I responded that yes I was, she asked why. I told her it was because I missed Gracie and Ella. She said, "I miss Gracie and Ella too, Mama". We will get to log many hours of our own time together which is important and together we will wait for 2:45PM to come, when the girls are all together again, just like we are supposed to be.