Bullying...

Bullying as defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary, is to hurt or browbeat those who are weaker. An accurate definition? I suppose. An adequate definition? Not even close. What I feel the dictionary definition really misses the mark on is labeling the victim as the person who is weaker. I would argue that a person who feels it necessary to pick on, tease, antagonize, demean and humiliate another is truly the weaker person.

I would define bullying as the slow, painful erosion of another person’s self worth through the use of emotional, psychological and or physical harm for the purpose of making one’s self feel more powerful, more important and more fulfilled.

At first glance, one might wonder what the big deal is about bullying. School age girls talk about each other behind their backs. Girls tease each other when they are feeling insecure. It’s been going on since the beginning of time. Sometimes people are just mean. However, a series of acts intentionally targeted at one particular person, no matter how big or small the act may be is a big deal. It is a huge deal. Even the most secure, self assured person will begin questioning herself after hearing negative things about herself, day in and day out. Just think what a toll that takes on a young girl who is just forming her sense of self, whose self esteem and self confidence is tenuous at best.

People often make excuses for bullies. They haven’t had proper discipline in their lives to know better. They, themselves, have been bullied in the past. They are facing difficult life circumstances that make them lash out at others they are jealous or envious of. While these excuses may be true, they are also incredibly lame and pathetic. Does one really need to be instructed not to purposely humiliate another for personal enjoyment? Do difficult life circumstances, which everyone faces at one time or another, make it OK to another person’s life miserable? Wouldn’t being bullied in the past make one more aware of the harm that it can cause? Why are there so many excuses for an act which is utterly inexcusable?

Whether you have been a bully or been a victim, witnessed bullying of another or possibly even intervened, we’ve all had some type of experience with bullying. However, unless you have been immediately involved in the bullying, it is difficult to truly appreciate the damage it can do. No matter how many times you are told that it isn't you, isn't your fault, you can't help but think "Why me?  What did I do to deserve this?  Am I weird or annoying or bad?"  It causes one to question everything about him or her self. It can make a person think they are not worthy of better treatment. It leads to an innate sense of distrust in others around you and a lack of ability to see the good in the world.

Sadly, bullying is an issue we have had to deal with over the past several months. It’s created feelings of anger, sadness, frustration and disappointment.

I, personally, been angry, so very angry. Angry that there are people in this world who feel it necessary to treat others badly in order to make themselves feel better. Angry that my daughter has to see the fact that there are people in this world with bad intentions and that want to hurt you. Angry that her trust and faith in those around her has been tested.

However, it has also brought about feelings of immense pride and love. Pride at the type of person my daughter is. She is poised, kind, thoughtful, respectful and generous of spirit. While it would be easy and even expected to lash out at those who are hurting her, she has maintained a level of composure that most adults would be unable to find. She has been shaken but has become stronger because of her experiences. She is my hero.

Facing your fears truly takes a special kind of Grace and that is exactly what we have.

On behalf of my lovely daughter, I urge you to speak to your children about bullying and the lasting effects it can have on others. I also encourage you to think carefully about your treatment of those around you and approach each situation with kindness, with care and with Grace. It matters.